She said "Kill me faster".

21335) Because I’ve put on weight I’m better? No, no, I’m worse, I’m so much worse.

confessionsabouteatingdisorders:

part of me wants to start purging again.

:/

my gag reflex sucks anymore..

i think I need to, though.

I can’t keep binging like this.

I just keep gaining weight.

This has to stop, but no matter how hard I try to restrict my diet,

I binge.

my mom was giving me diet tips yesterday. 
:/ 

“you know, if you eat more protein, you’ll eat less throughout the day” 


Tomorrow’s mealplan: 

Breakfast/Lunch: 
bread(2) - 120 
peanut butter (2tbsp) - 190 

Dinner: rice - 300 
broccoli - 50 
total - 660. 

assuming i don’t fuck up like usual. 
I can’t. 
I have to stop gaining weight. 
I need to get to around 120. 
I can stop at 120. 
i’m borderline overweight right now. 
If i get to 120 i’ll be average or whatever. 
i’ll fit my nice clothes again. 

:/ 
but if i lose too much weight too fast, Mica will notice, 
and she might stop eating again, 
and she’s made progress, it seems. 
i dont even know.. 

maybe if i lose 2 lbs a week or so, no one will notice… 
i mean, it’s not THAT much, right? 
no one will notice.